spilled thoughts

Hangga’t hindi pa ako nagsasawa sa’yo

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Nagsawa na akong lumapit

Lumapit na para lang sa huli ay layuan mo lang din

Nagsawa na akong magpapansin

Magpapansin na kahit magmukhang tanga ay itutuloy pa din

Nagsawa na akong mangarap

Mangarap na maging akin rin ang taong pinapangarap ko

Nagsawa na akong mag-isip

Mag-isip na ang mga bagay na ginagawa mo sa akin ay dahil pareho tayo ng nararamdaman

Nagsawa na akong maghintay

Maghintay na maramdaman mo kung ano ang nararamdaman ko sa’yo

Nagsawa na akong umasa

Umasa na balang araw mamahalin mo rin ako gaya ng pagmamahal ko sa’yo

Nagsawa na akong mapagod at mamahinga na para lang sa huli ay itutuloy uilt ang pag-ibig na para lang sa’yo

Sana dumating ang araw, magsawa na rin akong mahalin ka

Kasi ang hirap-hirap na

Sana dumating ang araw, magsawa na rin ako sa’yo

Kasi ang sakit-sakit na

Oh kaya sana, dumating ang araw na mahalin mo rin ako

Hangga’t hindi pa ako nagsasawang mahalin ka

Hangga’t hindi pa huli ang lahat

Hangga’t andito pa din ako – lumalapit, nagpapapansin, nangangarap, nag-iisip, naghihintay, umaasa, napapagod, namamahinga, at nagmamahal sa’yo

Hangga’t hindi pa ako nagsasawa sa’yo.

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I wonder if they are

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Wasted efforts are the worst.Devoting your time and your soul while no one appreciates or even notices is the worst experience you will ever have. It will make you feel that you’re worthless. It will make you feel that you’re a failure. Heck, it will even make you doubt yourself-Why am I doing this? Why am I still doing this? Do I still need to do this? Are all of these worth it in the end? I wonder if they are.

Book Review: ELEANOR AND PARK by Rainbow Rowell

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From my old blog (http://stclairee.wordpress.com)
I just finished reading Eleanor and Park so I still have the feeeels from it! Here are the excerpts from the book that really made me smile (and cry)
1) Holding Eleanor’s hand was like holding a butterfly, or a heartbeat. Like holding something complete and completely alive.

This is when Park hold Eleanor’s hand for the first time when they’re on the school bus.
2) Park had the sort of face you painted because you didn’t want history to forget it.

Eleanor maybe a little weird but she really has these cheesy lines for Park. I also remember her saying that she doesn’t like Park, because she lives for him.
3) If she showed him how much she needed him, he’d run away.

A little weakness won’t make her less a person! (Or rather a fictional character)
4) Eleanor was right. She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look nice, it was supposed to make you feel something.

Park’s really sweet! End of story.
5) What are the chances you’d ever meet someone like that? Someone you could love forever, someone who would forever love you back?
Eleanor and Park is really a nice book for me. I love Eleanor’s character because she’s kinda strong and has issues in her family but she’s not bitching about it.

I really really love this book. 🙂 This book will make you remember your first love that no matter what happens, you will never forget them and still has a place in your heart.

Aaand I still believe that there’s still a tiny chance for them.

Book Review: ALL THE BRIGHT PLACES by Jennifer Niven

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I already posted it at my old wordpress account (https://stclairee.wordpress.com/) but since I am not using that blog anymore, I’ll just post here all my previous posts from that account.

As I was searching for a new book to read, I came across this “all the bright places” by Jennifer Niven. I got curious because the description of the book says that it is a crossover of The Fault in Our Stars and Eleanor and Park. Since those books are my favorites, I immediately read it.

So this is how the story goes, a boy named Theodore Finch constantly thinks of ways to kill himself. In their school, he is called a freak and people think he’s weird, and a girl named Violet Markey, who got in a car accident with her sister. She changed a lot because of that incident and in the story, it shows that she is waiting for her graduation because it means that she can escape that place that makes her remember her sister. They met on top of their school’s bell tower where Finch talks Violet out of jumping. They became partners in their US Geography class where they need to visit different tourists’ attractions in their place. And that’s where their adventure starts.

I honestly have high expectations to this book because of its description. I enjoy reading it but I can’t say that I love this book. I really don’t know what I should feel for this. And I didn’t think that it’s a crossover of The Fault In Our Stars and Eleanor And Park. I feel like it’s just a copy of TFIOS except that TFIOS is about cancer while All The Bright Places is about suicide.

I don’t know why I didn’t love this book. I mean, the characters are well-developed, the use of poetry made it more interesting; I really like the characters’ dialogues and the moral story of this book. Perhaps it’s because these types of books are really overrated? Or maybe, there’s something about TFIOS that makes me feel that other books like that will never exceed TFIOS.

A message to my sixteen-year-old self

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You’re going to get hurt. You’re going to meet new people and they will be a part of your life. But they’re not going to stay. There will come a time that they will leave you and you will be devastated. You’re going to blame yourself for that. Their leaving will make you think that you aren’t enough, that whatever you do, you will never be enough. You will never be enough to make people stay.

But you’re going to fall in love again. This time, it’s a one-sided love but you won’t care. You’ll love him and you’ll be thankful because you thought you’ll never feel this again but because of him, you will. And you’re going to meet new friends. They aren’t that many but they’re loyal and they will stay by your side no matter what happens and that’s enough.

You’re going to commit lots of mistakes. But that’s okay. You’ll learn from those. Those mistakes will make you strong and will inspire you to do better. And from now on, you’re going to experience more hardships. But you will overcome those. You need to overcome those hardships to achieve your goal. You will endure all those hardships and carry on with your life.

And lastly, keep doing what you’re doing right now because you’re doing well.